A Dish of Vegetables

 

wpid-20150821_144724.jpg

Confession time! I remember a short period of time when mine and my brother’s bedroom was divided by this strange wooden divider. The layout of our room was regularly changed. It was my spontaneous mother’s way. She often refreshed our home by changing the position of furniture in a room, however this divider came and went rather rapidly. I remember standing on my bed during our regimented afternoon rest time and spitting, sniper-style, at my brother in his bed over the top of the divider. Disgusting child! It was a game, and he retaliated back with sniping spit. How else did one occupy yourself for half an hour every day when you had to stay on your bed and rest? The divider soon disappeared!

Families! There is nothing quite like them; a sanctified institute. I have found myself internally celebrating the beauty of ‘family’ in recent weeks and I know it is because we are heading rather rapidly towards Junction All Change for us as a family. Longshanks is taking significant steps in flying the nest with the privilege of being offered an apprenticeship, approximately four hours away. One of the joys of home educating him has been that he can walk an unorthodox path and pursue his passion as part of his education; a naturally kinaesthetic learner his education has centred a lot on practical activity and he is still most contented when he has things to do.  That this has led to him pretty much leaving home at 16 might seem unusual yet I have had a number of conversations with secure and successful friends who when they think about it say, “Well, I left home when I was 16”. And our young man is ready to do just that. He is unique and true to himself, meaning we’re all confident these are the right steps for him to take.

However, I can sense a little uncertainty in the air that approaching Junction All Change brings and no number of bags of confidence can annihilate. Identifying with whom the uncertainty begins is tricky and my guess it is with both him and me – the first born stepping into the unknown and his anticipation of starting a new season of life. I am excited for him and enjoy seeing his excitement. I also trust his judgement entirely, in that I trust the decisions he will make for himself will be wise ones. But this uncertainty has led to us saying odd and unnecessary things – almost a bit like spitting. There’s no unkindness in it. It’s just a little uncertainty makes us snipe at one another. And that is part of the joy of being family. Family is where we can be ourselves and vent our uncertain emotions yet still be accepted and respected for who we are – at least that is how it should be!

See, there goes pride, arm in arm with ambition and trepidation, closely followed by gratitude and contentment. Behind them come nostalgia and significance. Looking through some old videos the other day, I encountered a 4 year old Longshanks independently fending off any help from grown-ups as he led a 16 hand thoroughbred out of the stable, insisting he could do it on his own. I thought it was a good summary of his spirit of independence and his love of working with horses.

I have been noticing how much I value the contentment of being family. I think it possibly has far greater impact on our well-being than I realised. When external circumstances unsettle us, having contentment weighs down and secures our otherwise ‘might-be-volatile’ moments.

The other evening our ongoing unresolved car saga was being discussed with the family. A vehicle suitable as a run-around was located, within our budget but way over-priced for what it is (hence not purchasing it), meanwhile our faithful mechanic offers us a great car that we can’t afford. There was a bit of discontent and disagreement (a little bit of spitting on my part) but the content came in the humour used to discuss how we might raise some money to purchase the unaffordable. When various bodily organs were being proposed as possible sale-able items by family members, I realised that the conversation had tipped over the edge into the realm of the ridiculous. Our car saga remains unresolved but the contentment of being family is untouched.

Contentment lives where there is love. The truth of this verse stands out, and I really value the contentment of being family. No matter what we can or can’t afford, the value of love and contentment is priceless.

Proverbs 15:17

Better a dish of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred.

I hope that as Longshanks gets off at Junction All Change, he will have plenty of love and contentment packed in his bags to help anchor him through anything that might unsettle him!

Advertisements
Posted in Family Life, Horses, Parenting | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

A Month Assessment

We’re now calling him ‘Boffin’ instead of Rich Tea Boy!

A month into his school experience and it was time to assess, as I had said we would, whether we have made the right decision or not to put him in school. I reiterate that we have put him in school because we felt it was the right decision for him as an individual. No pattern of education is perfect but with each of our children, we are looking to educate them in a way that best suits them as individuals. For this particular child of ours we felt that now was the time he should go to school for the sake of his unique future.

So he and I sat down with his learning manager and head of year, last week, to discuss how he was settling in. It has been a huge culture shock for him and it has been the shock waves of that, that has made me question our decision. As he was immersed in a completely different culture, it has felt on numerous occasions that he was only just keeping his head above the surface. He was coming home very exhausted, processing the experience and I was processing his perception of the new culture he was getting used to. However, by small increments which we didn’t always see, he was slowly gaining muscle to keep swimming. He was surviving but more than that he was becoming stronger. I then noticed he was coming home with a vibrancy about him and I knew he was winning within himself, until a cold knocked him out for a bit. This vibrancy and flourishing was more what I had hoped we would see when we made the decision to put him in school. It was what I was looking for. He has gained confidence, he is happy and is enjoying his experience now he has got used to whole culture of school. There are things he doesn’t like but he is very philosophical and, let’s face it, there’s always stuff we don’t like. No model of education is perfect, but we are looking for a ‘best fit’.

His learning manager and head of year were very complimentary and encouraging saying he was a credit to us and himself. I think this is a credit to the model of home education, too. Academically, he is swimming ahead of his peers in many subjects (apart from Welsh) and has been tested in recent weeks to be reset for sciences. I have always said that Boffin has a huge number of character traits like my father, who was a chemistry teacher in a fancy-pants boarding school in the south of England. I grew up in this environment where education and academia were worshipped. Understandably, this upbringing has fuelled my passion for excellence in education but also helped me be quite realistic in assessing what and what-not is valuable.

As Boffin came top of his set for Chemistry, top of his year for Science and is also excelling in theatre studies (another of my father’s great strengths), I emailed my mother to say how proud my father would have been and how sad I am that he doesn’t know he has a grandson who takes after him, in so many ways. She messaged back in agreement, but also said how proud I should be for teaching him everything so far.

Let me let you in to a little secret! I haven’t taught him any chemistry, except what related to daily life. I haven’t taught him facts and figures. I haven’t filled him with knowledge. When I break down the essence of what I have taught him, two things stand out most: (a)I have taught him to be himself and to be confident therefore in the uniqueness of who he is; and (b)I have taught him to love learning and therein how to learn well. He has learnt to learn on his own. His motivation is his own desire for knowledge. The rest is what naturally grows from that. His success comes from a sense of security within himself and his own self motivation. I think this is a real testament to the effectiveness of the home-ed. model of education, but I must remind myself that this particular child of ours is a visual, words learner who learns well with traditional methods of teaching. I only have to look at some of my other children to remember that that is not true of all learners, which is why I continue to focus on teaching my children to be confident in their uniqueness and to love learning.

I’m not naive. I know there are many challenges ahead and Boffin needs to work hard, but I am encouraged by the first month assessment and the positive report I hear coming from many lips. I have also been enormously encouraged by the endorsement of successful home education that should encourage parents who are home educating. When I weigh home education, as a model, against the school system it still comes up trumps as valid and effective! My advice to any home educator is to capatalise and invest heavily in what comes naturally to your child. Help them excel in the things they are good at and let the harder things they learn be over-shadowed by their strengths. Don’t weary yourself worrying over their weaknesses. Yes, work on them in comfortable, bite-sized chunks but remember that the school system measures so much by results in academic success and there is no need to compare yourselves with them. This is only a small part of a much bigger picture of life as a whole. You don’t have to use the same measures on your child if that doesn’t suit your child. Success in life is not measured by academic success, thankfully, or many of us would be disqualified. It is only a small part.

We are choosing to measure Boffin’s success by these measures because he is a natural academic, but many are not. However, above all, my greatest joy is seeing his character develop and flourish. That’s what his education is primarily about!

Posted in Family Life, Home Education, Parenting, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Horizons

img_4820

All I want to do today is walk and think. We will be going out later to find some acorns for Miss Puddleduck’s autumn project. We might collect some crab apples too, as I intend to make crab apple jelly. I noticed blossoms, in the spring, where I had never seen apple blossoms before and now there is lots of fruit. But I want to get out to have some natural thinking time.

Our family is growing up. Our horizons are changing like in the beautiful sunset above that Longshanks captured on camera from our field, the other evening. In a short space of time the sky changed from being a stunning sunset to an even more outstanding sunset! It kept getting more and more breath taking as the sun sank lower.

Rich Tea Boy seems to be settling and we had a very grown-up conversation, on the way to school this morning, trying to ascertain whether attending school is the way that he should continue to walk in or not. I have been trying to get an appointment with his learning manager to hear how his teachers think he is doing. One thing that has surprised me about school is how little they actually get to do for the length of time that they are there. We were always told that, as home educators, 2-3 hours of concentrated learning was the equivalent of what was done in school. Should I be surprised to discover that that’s true? Rich Tea Boy tells me that it is a lot easier to learn at home and he’s already weary of the onslaught of distractions he has to fend off in order to get things learnt at school. But on the positive side, he is able to learn and has enjoyed meeting new people. He finds the immaturity of his peers amusing and, he said this morning, quite refreshing. He said he has had a number of people ask him if he should actually be in the year above, because he seems older. I was asking him questions this morning that related to how he felt his faith and character were growing. His answers were very mature and reflective of the discipleship input of Tim and his youth leader. To date, he hasn’t found school easy, which doesn’t mean it is necessarily the wrong decision for him. He prefers being home educated to school educated, he says, but has found school interesting. As we approach the one-month-in assessment of his schooling my thoughts are very absorbed in thinking about this.

My thoughts are also very absorbed by thinking about Longshanks’ future as, last weekend, he was offered an opportunity that is very true to who he is and completely fits him. I have felt myself being prepared for the changes this will bring but there is still a lot I have to process, as expectation becomes reality. He was focussing on re-sitting one of his exams with no real clarity about what he would do after. He knew what he would like to do, but wasn’t sure how he could do it. However, a door has opened for him at just the right moment and suddenly there is a clear way ahead for him after he has re-sat his exam. As we discussed this opportunity that has been offered to him, I expressed my conviction of it being right for him but explained that conviction didn’t prevent me being woken in the middle of night by what about this or what if that questions. He very philosophically responded by saying, “But any decision in life is accompanied by what ifs“. How true! It is so lovely to see him so excited. He mentally prepares me by joking that he might be driving home for Christmas 2017 with a girlfriend and a beard!

Every morning, as I drive the stunning country lanes that are now my daily school run I’m thinking how our horizons are changing as our family grows up, and my thoughts are echoed by outstanding Welsh vistas. Since our big “Blue” – as Miss Puddleduck named the Vauxhall -died, Tim’s little red car has been doing all the donkey work of fetching and carrying. It is old and tiny but bearing up well and we have to be very adaptable and clever in our logistics, as we can’t all fit in it. I feel that I have unwittingly become a taxi driver like the other day, I took Rich Tea Boy to school and returned home to immediately give Tim a lift down to work. A dance remix of Crowder’s version of “Because He lives” was blasting out of the speakers in the living room before we left. After laughing with Tim about the arrangement, I listened to the words and realised that Tim was purposefully strengthening himself – “Because He lives, I can face tomorrow”. After I had dropped him at work I returned home to find Miss Puddleduck dancing to the Chariots of Fire film theme. There is no significance in that!

Our horizons have got broader, over the summer, as we have taken on the responsibility of leading two churches. Right now, new structures and procedures are being put in place in the one church and it feels like we are spread quite thin. We have gone from overseeing the discipleship of approximately 100 people to 200 people and are rapidly trying to build apostolic structures that ensure both communities flourish in their location. Right now, the implication of this is that we feel less able to give quality time to individuals, but that will return as other people are released to meet discipleship needs and as structures are formed. This feeling of being spread thin is temporary and life is full those moments of transition, where everything changes gear.

When I stand back and look, I see so much that encourages me. I see fruit. I see people flourishing. I see young people growing. I see new life emerging. I see purpose. I see character developing. I see maturity blossoming. I see a beautiful horizon. I’m so grateful.

I quote Tim’s favourite verse: Proverbs 4:18 The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining brighter til the full light of dawn.

Posted in Church Life, Family Life, Home Education, Parenting, Reflections, Rural Wales | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Elin’s Air

img_4739Rehearsals are under way, although the costumes are only partial, the props temporary and the stage still full of instruments. But, it’s happening!! We’re getting ready for the big official launch of Elin’s Air.

 

Posted in Creative Communication, Rural Wales, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

By Conviction or Convention?

A lot of people have asked me, of late, why we have chosen to put our second son into school. It’s a valid question and I shall answer it shortly. When also asked by one person “What has happened?” my answer was, “Nothing”. No great cataclysmic event has happened to cause this. I remain the passionate educationist I have always been who believes wholeheartedly in the effectiveness of home education – and loves it as a valid mode of education. In fact, through the beginning of this new and fresh season of school experience, I feel even more strongly about its effectiveness. I am processing a lot of thoughts on it all right now. My mind is constantly chuntering away, philosophically.

I believe that the primary purpose of education is to develop our character, in a way that does not undermine our self-worth, to make us successful contributors to society. What that actually looks like will vary according to the uniqueness of each individual.

This approach produces some interesting results in the small community if our own household. Our eldest is a ‘doer’ with a healthy work ethic. Our approach to his education has already helped him make contributions in a unusual field which, I hope, have been good contributions. I have seen his character develop and I am confident that he is able to conduct himself as a contributor to society not just a consumer. I know too that his nature lends him towards following a more apprenticeship style of education and that he is happiest and most effective when applying himself in a practical way.

In son no. 2 we have an observer and an analyst who is a sponge to knowledge and very perceptive about people. His learning style fits perfectly into the traditional academic modes of learning and I would not be surprised if, in time, he contributes to society through the field of academic research. However, this suitability is not our reason for putting him into school. The main reason we have embarked on this new adventure is that we want to see his character grow and we feel that, for the sort of person that he is, he has reached a stage in life where he needs more challenges to grow him. The school environment, we concluded, would provide this. If, however, his character is not enhanced in a positive way we will return to home education for him.

Of our other youngsters, one is very clear on what she believes is a vocation for her life and we are tailoring her education towards that, while developing her character and confidence. Her sense of vocation and learning style (again more traditionally academic) makes our objectives, in educating her, quite clear and straightforward. Our youngest, meanwhile, presents the biggest challenge. The beauty of her having a specific language impairment makes traditional learning difficult, keeps me humble and real. I reassess again and again what our objectives are. What am I trying to achieve through educating her at home? I conclude, with gratitude that she is not being taught for the purpose of jumping through hoops and tests but to enhance her own unique character and gifts. I conclude, with gratitude that her self-confidence, worth and social skills are not being undermined by her language impairment and preference for spending time with those younger than herself (as would not be the case in a school environment). I conclude, with gratitude, that she is flourishing by being able to learn at her own pace without external pressures or consciousness of limitations, when measured by traditional measures. I am educating her with the objective that one day she can manage her own finances, run a home, relate well to other people and contribute to society in a beautiful way.

So why have we chosen to put our second son into school? Well, we live by conviction not convention. This means that we make educational choices based on our conviction of what is right for each child of ours. Right now, we believe it is the right choice for him, as an individual, to bring the best out of him.

As with all these things, “Time will tell!”. The proof will be in the pudding! Whatever our choices they are made in hope and faith that it is the ‘BEST’ decision.

Posted in Home Education, Parenting, Reflections | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Marmite for the Soul

IMG_2969[1]

This truly is a meadow in an old fashioned sense; rarely seen these days with clover and harebells et al. Although rarely seen, I am treated to this view of beauty from my kitchen door. Today it was therapeutic ‘marmite for my soul’ as I pulled ragwort from the grass by the door. Insects filled the field with sound. They were surprisingly loud.

IMG_2973[1]I was soon accompanied by two herds of peaceful beasts who came to see what I was up to. One herd, curious but also comforting, wanted to be with me and it wasn’t long before they started dozing by the door.IMG_2977[1]

The other herd were a bit skittish as the black and white spotty dog decided to try his paw at being a collie but thought rounding-up meant scatter. The dozy ones brought me peace, as did the meadow and the verse that came to my mind in a moment of prayer, today.

John 14:1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.”

I had been troubled and while there seems to be a lot out there to trouble us, my troubles were fairly trivial. Remembering to believe and trust in Jesus was all I needed to refresh my hope and re-right my focus again. Sometimes troubled hearts engulf us and are so overwhelming, it’s like being in the belly of a whale with no way out. My worries were not so, though. They were small and simply around how I think my book might be received and if anyone (who doesn’t know me) will be interested enough to want to read it. They might have been troubled thoughts but they injected a good dose of realism into me, as did this conversation I had yesterday.

“Hey! Rich Tea Boy (aged 14) would you write a quick review for my book?”

“Sure Mum. Do you want me to do it now?”

“Yes please. You don’t have to write much.”

“Okay!”

Two minutes later…

“I can’t think of the word I’m looking for.”

“Do you want a thesaurus?”

“Yes, please” He looks in the thesaurus, “Ah tranquil. That’s it.”

He finishes writing and says to me, “You do realise some people are not going to enjoy it, don’t you? Especially if they like a fast-paced, action packed read.”

“Yes, son! I realise that. I think of it being like ‘marmite for the soul’. People will either love it or hate it.”

Pulling ragwort, today, I was remembering this conversation and with the comfort of the ponies standing by, the warm sun on my back, the beauty and insect song of the meadow beside me I wondered. I wondered if perhaps in the troubles of today our youngsters might appreciate a tranquil read, like a meadow to lose themselves in. I wondered if they might like something that reads peacefully without grit and gore and helps them escape to words of safety and hope. I wondered if they might like something that is gentle. I wondered if they needed comfort like the unassuming acceptance of a pony. I wondered if it would be like a balm or simply ‘marmite for the soul’. They will either love it or hate it! But do they need it?

 

 

Posted in Creative Communication, Reflections, Rural Wales, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Exciting News 

This gallery contains 1 photo.

I have something to share! Like the moment you first see a black and white image of a tiny person growing inside you and all the discomfort and strange eating habits or feelings of sickness are made real in the … Continue reading

Gallery | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment