Today, I met a consultant who had the same surname as a cold meat my mother used to give us, with a salad, for lunch. I sat in the chair he offered me and my feet did not touch the ground. Although he didn’t say anything I know that he noticed.
“Tell me your story”. I did while he wrote rapid notes. Then came a number of questions and an examination.
“It’s normal now,” he said.
Last night, I had noticed that it was different. My vision was completely clear again. It has remained so throughout today too.
He took his glasses off to talk to me. He said that my symptoms do not fit anything he has ever come across and explained why it wasn’t a migraine related event, why it wasn’t Holmes-Adie syndrome and why it didn’t fit the symptoms of something neurological. He concluded that he would send me for a scan as a precautionary measure to rule out anything pathological. Oh joy! I am going to have to suck up any qualms I might have about being in a tight spot.
My story has been this. A month ago, I woke up the morning after our Vision Night at church to find that my vision in my left eye was impaired. My near sight in one eye was blurry. I could not rub it away. I could not make it clear. Whatever I did it remained. I have always wondered what it is like for people who don’t have 20/20 vision. Now I know! I thought I must have strained my eyes reading and that it would clear up, but it didn’t. In fact, it got worse and was accompanied by radial pain around my eye – though not enough to warrant pain-killers except for on one day when fluorescent lights were involved.
It was then that it started to worry me. It wasn’t getting better and I began to wonder if it was something significant. When I noticed that my left pupil was bigger than the other, I began to get very worried, especially after I succumbed to the most dangerous diagnosis for any malady – a google search. I was dead and buried, according to google. My lovely husband managed to get me an emergency appointment with the ophthalmologist after my attempts at doctor’s appointments failed. The ophthalmologist examined my eyes, put drops in, ran tests and told me it was very important that I booked another appointment for the following Monday as they needed to do further tests. She introduced me to her colleague who would see me on the Monday and asked his opinion on the tests she had done, but she said she could not give me any diagnosis.
The weekend between the Friday appointment and the Monday appointment saw me ride a pendulum that continually swung from faith to fear and back again. I was surprised by the severity of fear that I felt as I thought it was a skeleton in my life, long buried. A number of friends were praying for me and a lady prayed very specifically for me at church, as did my girls before they went to bed on Sunday evening. That night it didn’t feel like I slept, but I know I did. The whole night felt like I was on the field of spiritual battle. I focused on Jesus and what He has conquered. My heart was constantly singing praise to God and I was continually aware of God’s presence and communication. I felt God touch my eye and then challenge me to test it. In the middle of the night, I did so. I tested it and I could see clearly with my left eye. In the morning it was still clear. Then as the day progressed my sight degenerated. When I went for my appointment later in the day the ophthalmologist measured my pupil and said that there was now only a 0.5mm difference in comparison to what it had been on Friday. He said he didn’t understand it and that he couldn’t give me a diagnosis, but referred me to the consultant – the one with a cold meat surname.
All pain went from my face the following day and I was no longer worried. I knew God was in the centre of the situation and His perfect love replaced all fear. I dismissed the perception I had that God had said my sight would get worse before it got better. I was so insistent He was going to resolve the situation immediately, but as my sight got worse (without pain), I hung onto those words and trusted that indeed it would go worse then better. It did! It fluctuated quite a lot and it was difficult to ascertain if it was getting better or not. However, I found myself able to read without discomfort or the need to place my hand over my eye and gradually it seemed to be getting better. The night before my appointment with Mr Cold Meat, I realised my sight was all clear again. Still, he is going to send me for a scan.
Mr Cold Meat said I was his first patient on his first day back from holiday and he was completely flummoxed by my symptoms. I, on the other hand, am very reassured by the reminder the God heals, is interested in minute detail, is Lord and sovereign, and has the power to make right and restore wrong. I am also reminded that we are on battle field where we live in a broken world. We have to learn to fight. That is what I have been doing – exercising my spiritual warrior muscles!
Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings